


The Costume

by homosociallyyours



Series: Tricks and Treats [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Bad Puns, Boners, Gen, Humor, Niall Horan & Harry Styles Friendship, but as a persistent joke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2019-10-22
Packaged: 2020-12-28 08:00:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21133352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/homosociallyyours/pseuds/homosociallyyours
Summary: Harry gets a brilliant idea for a perfectly punny, boner-inspired Halloween costume. Putting it together might be dodgy, but he's sure it'll be worth it in the end.





	The Costume

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't figure out how to tag for canon-level love of dick humor from Harry, but that's all this is. I swear that if anyone were to think this costume was a good idea, it would be Harry. Bless. 
> 
> Technically this part of the story takes place before part one, but I really wanted it to come second. 
> 
> As always thanks to statementlou for the beta!!

As far as Harry was concerned, it was his most brilliant costume idea in years. It had come to him one night while watching an old cheesy horror movie with his friend Niall, trying to make himself laugh to hide the fact that even though the effects were terrible he was still just a little bit frightened of the eponymous Bone Monster from Planet Death. 

“Do you think he always calls his willy a boner? Since he’s made of bones?” Niall cackled a little at the joke and Harry laughed to himself, secretly proud. “Or like, do you think he uses the bones of his victims as a stand-in for his willy? Like bone dildos or summat?” 

At that point Niall pelted him with popcorn and told him to shut up and watch the film, but Harry was happy to distract himself quietly with boner humor instead. And when Niall had left later that night, Harry ended up thinking that it might be funny to be the Bone Monster for Halloween. He just wasn’t certain how to differentiate himself from a common skeleton, since that was mostly what a bone monster looked like. 

His revelation came while doing a bit of landscaping in his new backyard. He wouldn’t be able to do much yet, but he figured it was a good idea to prepare for a garden now instead of waiting until the spring to dig up the soil and figure out what to plant and where. He’d grabbed a load of possible necessities and brought them all back, storing them in his shed (he had a shed! It still felt like such a novelty after years of apartment living). 

As he put a bag of bone meal on the shelf, he laughed to himself at the thought of adding an ‘R’ to the bag. “Boner meal. Bone-R meal,” he said quietly. Then it hit him: A  _ bone _ R. He half wished that Niall was there so he could share his joke with someone, but then he remembered that Halloween wasn’t far away and Zayn was hosting his annual party. This costume could be his first ever win. 

He couldn’t really get started on it until a couple days later, but that simply gave him time to plan. Realizing right away that flat or drawn on bones wouldn’t work, he quickly moved on to considering a variety of three dimensional bones: plastic, molded silicone, clay; all of them had their own issues. When he finally got down to business, it was on a whim that he searched for  _ actual  _ bones, not expecting to find anything. 

Apparently that was foolish. 

His search returned loads of pages, the first one for a website called “The Bone Zone” that advertised “certified human bones suitable for all your bone needs.” He wasn’t sure what most people would need with bones, but he clicked through anyway just to look at what they offered. 

“Did you know that you can get human bones off the internet for really cheap?” 

Niall sputtered on the other end of the phone line. “And hello to you as well Harry. Now what the fuck are you on about?” 

“Bones! I figured out the greatest costume idea and I need bones, or  _ a  _ bone at least, for it. And I’ve just found a website that  _ sells _ them? Who knew?” 

“Ummm, not me.” Harry could hear Niall’s judgement through the phone. “And since this phone call could maybe be recorded or used for evidence, I don’t know what you’re talking about and I don’t think people should order bones. ‘S creepy.” Harry started to respond, but Niall cut him off. “Night, pal. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” 

Harry rolled his eyes and clicked “buy” on a single bone. He might need to figure out a way to break it up to make the R, but bone saws were a thing, right? It couldn’t be too hard. And the payoff would be worth it in boner jokes alone.

**Author's Note:**

> Fic post (with art by velvetnoodle) linked at the end of the final part of this series!


End file.
